Wedding Planning: The Struggle is Real
Isn't it true that a wedding is meant to be a time of excitement and joy for a couple as they celebrate their love amongst family and friends? Not so much.... preparing for our wedding (s) has been.. well stressful, to say the least.
Before I vent, I should first admit, I do love my partner. I am extremely proud to call him my husband and I am excited to spend the rest of my life with him. But our story of coming into marriage has not been a smooth transition. When I moved back to Seoul in August of 2016, I came back for love. Jin and I had done the long distance thing for over a year and it was a good test for us as a couple. It proved to us how much we meant to each other and it became clear to me that I did not want to be living on opposite sides of the planet any longer. I knew though, that this time around, I was coming back to be with him forever. He may have taken a bit longer to come to this realization but I was certain about it for quite some time.
We had talked about marriage from relatively early on, especially before I left on my solo backpacking adventure at the beginning of February in 2015. Leaving to travel and coming back to Canada only solidified our feelings for each other because we soon realized that we couldn't let each other go. So it was a year and a half filled with exciting reunions and bittersweet goodbyes until we were reunited again. I told Jin that I hoped to be engaged by the end of the year before I had to start another teaching contract in the country and we talked about having a nice long engagement and then doing a destination wedding with just our immediate family in Hawaii. We fantasized about a simple vacation with our loved ones and a small ceremony on the beach.
Man plans, God laughs....
I started my time back in Korea at a seemingly great job at an International School outside of the Jamsil area. All was good, and hectic spending my days chasing after 13 four year olds, until one day when Korean Immigration showed up at our school and everything changed. Within 24 hours, the entire Elementary and High school had been abruptly shut down and 14 of my co-workers were given deportation orders and deemed criminals in Korea. It was a huge shock to all of us and I felt terrible for my friends who were completely innocent in their pursuit of educating children in Korea. They were misled by both Immigration and our School and fooled into thinking they were teaching legally. It was horrifying.
I also began to panic...my other American co-teachers and I who were working in the Kindergarten Department which had not been shut down realized we could not trust the management at our school. What we thought was a legitimate educational institution proved to be a sham in many ways. They did not have the proper licensing and they had not even registered the teachers under the proper documentation. It was a complete nightmare and I started to feel more and more paranoid about a second visit from Immigration. This was stressful for both Jin and me at home because we had finally settled into our new apartment and life was looking up in all other aspects. We both were becoming scared of that suddenly being taken away from us. So after another scare at work with phone calls from Immigration, Jin and I took a leap of faith and got married on June 13th, 2017💖. It took a total of 4 days for us to be legally married and in the process of changing my VISA. Yes, Korea is that fast and I wasn't even present at my legal wedding ceremony, Jin just went in and signed some paperwork on my behalf. Isn't that insane?! Very convenient indeed though. This entire process brought about a mix of emotions, the stress we were both under interspersed with excitement about this big decision we were making together! We celebrated the event at PF Changs with my mother and father in law which was lovely. I should add that June 13th is also my father in law's birthday so he was especially excited about our birthday present to him: me; a new daughter! haha
Even though we were legally married, we still assumed we could go about our original plans and just consider this the beginning of our 'engagement' however we soon came to find out that our parents had different plans. I have come to learn that weddings truly are about the union of two families, they are a time for celebration of two families (and in our case cultures) bonding together to celebrate love and hope for the future. It is really a beautiful thing and I am so blessed to have the amazing 4 parents that I have. This is why Jin and I decided to try our best to let go of our desires for an intimate destination wedding in Hawaii and give our parents the wedding(s) that they want as well. This has been relatively easy with my parents because, they have known all along our original plans. I Skype with my parents regularly and I am so grateful to have a very open relationship with them. Also, in Canada, weddings vary dramatically from couple to couple but in Korea, there are certain traditions that are meant to be upheld.
Jin is the only son of his parents and his mother could not be more excited to celebrate our marriage. Of course, there is a conventional way of doing that here, and she has had to compromise a fair amount of her wants for our wedding. So we are trying our best to follow her lead because, after all, she is paying for it all. My parents have also decided to join us on the date and are flying to Seoul for the second time this year (!) to celebrate our wedding. My mother would also like to hold a small lunch event in Saskatchewan with my extended family to celebrate with my side of the family. Holy Moly, 2 weddings!
And so, the wedding extravaganza has begun. I cannot help but laugh at myself, because I saw this happen one too many times with friends before. Now, I was never the little girl who dreamed about walking down the aisle in a princess gown to the man of her dreams. I think that I have been a realist from a young age. In fact, for a long time, I did not think legal marriage was all that necessary, and certainly not a giant wedding. And then I entered into an international relationship and what seemed so silly became practical and downright necessary. Luckily, because of the fact that I am not hell-bent on having my wedding go a certain way, it has not been too difficult to let go in this wedding planning process. That is not to say that it hasn't come with some frustrations.
I have come to learn that weddings are not all about you and your partner. They are about family which means multiple personalities, different opinions and wants. It is an excellent exercise for me in letting go. So to say that our wedding process has been stressful may be the understatement of my year, but at the end of the day, I am getting to marry my best friend (3 times!) and I could not be more excited to spend the rest of my life with him. 😁
Before I vent, I should first admit, I do love my partner. I am extremely proud to call him my husband and I am excited to spend the rest of my life with him. But our story of coming into marriage has not been a smooth transition. When I moved back to Seoul in August of 2016, I came back for love. Jin and I had done the long distance thing for over a year and it was a good test for us as a couple. It proved to us how much we meant to each other and it became clear to me that I did not want to be living on opposite sides of the planet any longer. I knew though, that this time around, I was coming back to be with him forever. He may have taken a bit longer to come to this realization but I was certain about it for quite some time.
We had talked about marriage from relatively early on, especially before I left on my solo backpacking adventure at the beginning of February in 2015. Leaving to travel and coming back to Canada only solidified our feelings for each other because we soon realized that we couldn't let each other go. So it was a year and a half filled with exciting reunions and bittersweet goodbyes until we were reunited again. I told Jin that I hoped to be engaged by the end of the year before I had to start another teaching contract in the country and we talked about having a nice long engagement and then doing a destination wedding with just our immediate family in Hawaii. We fantasized about a simple vacation with our loved ones and a small ceremony on the beach.
Man plans, God laughs....
I started my time back in Korea at a seemingly great job at an International School outside of the Jamsil area. All was good, and hectic spending my days chasing after 13 four year olds, until one day when Korean Immigration showed up at our school and everything changed. Within 24 hours, the entire Elementary and High school had been abruptly shut down and 14 of my co-workers were given deportation orders and deemed criminals in Korea. It was a huge shock to all of us and I felt terrible for my friends who were completely innocent in their pursuit of educating children in Korea. They were misled by both Immigration and our School and fooled into thinking they were teaching legally. It was horrifying.
I also began to panic...my other American co-teachers and I who were working in the Kindergarten Department which had not been shut down realized we could not trust the management at our school. What we thought was a legitimate educational institution proved to be a sham in many ways. They did not have the proper licensing and they had not even registered the teachers under the proper documentation. It was a complete nightmare and I started to feel more and more paranoid about a second visit from Immigration. This was stressful for both Jin and me at home because we had finally settled into our new apartment and life was looking up in all other aspects. We both were becoming scared of that suddenly being taken away from us. So after another scare at work with phone calls from Immigration, Jin and I took a leap of faith and got married on June 13th, 2017💖. It took a total of 4 days for us to be legally married and in the process of changing my VISA. Yes, Korea is that fast and I wasn't even present at my legal wedding ceremony, Jin just went in and signed some paperwork on my behalf. Isn't that insane?! Very convenient indeed though. This entire process brought about a mix of emotions, the stress we were both under interspersed with excitement about this big decision we were making together! We celebrated the event at PF Changs with my mother and father in law which was lovely. I should add that June 13th is also my father in law's birthday so he was especially excited about our birthday present to him: me; a new daughter! haha
Even though we were legally married, we still assumed we could go about our original plans and just consider this the beginning of our 'engagement' however we soon came to find out that our parents had different plans. I have come to learn that weddings truly are about the union of two families, they are a time for celebration of two families (and in our case cultures) bonding together to celebrate love and hope for the future. It is really a beautiful thing and I am so blessed to have the amazing 4 parents that I have. This is why Jin and I decided to try our best to let go of our desires for an intimate destination wedding in Hawaii and give our parents the wedding(s) that they want as well. This has been relatively easy with my parents because, they have known all along our original plans. I Skype with my parents regularly and I am so grateful to have a very open relationship with them. Also, in Canada, weddings vary dramatically from couple to couple but in Korea, there are certain traditions that are meant to be upheld.
Jin is the only son of his parents and his mother could not be more excited to celebrate our marriage. Of course, there is a conventional way of doing that here, and she has had to compromise a fair amount of her wants for our wedding. So we are trying our best to follow her lead because, after all, she is paying for it all. My parents have also decided to join us on the date and are flying to Seoul for the second time this year (!) to celebrate our wedding. My mother would also like to hold a small lunch event in Saskatchewan with my extended family to celebrate with my side of the family. Holy Moly, 2 weddings!
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| These photos were meant to be for our invitation, but they were not to my mother-in-law's liking! Oh well, we still like them! |
I have come to learn that weddings are not all about you and your partner. They are about family which means multiple personalities, different opinions and wants. It is an excellent exercise for me in letting go. So to say that our wedding process has been stressful may be the understatement of my year, but at the end of the day, I am getting to marry my best friend (3 times!) and I could not be more excited to spend the rest of my life with him. 😁
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