Embracing the Calm Before the New Year
Why is it so hard to slow down sometimes?
As I sit here in my living room on a beautiful sunny day with nothing on my schedule for today and tomorrow, I have this dreaded anxiety that I am not being a productive human. It is December 27th (2 days after Christmas) my husband has gone back to work at his cafe and I have a completely open calendar. And instead of being grateful and content, I feel worried that I am somehow an extremely lazy person.
Some of the fears going through my mind are:
"Why am I not being more productive with my life right now?"
"Everyone else is busy and working hard, what right do I have to be sitting here with nothing to do?"
"What the heck do I do with my day?"
"Is there something wrong with me?"
Yikes. This is embarrassing to even write down. There is another part of me that is just craving more purpose in my life. And although I am taking the steps towards it, I am not addressing what is really the issue: my inability to just breathe and be present.
It is December 27th. It is the holidays and when I take a moment to acknowledge how fortunate I am to have 2 and a half months off in the winter to just be, I am struck with what a gift that is.
The other piece of the issue is that I am craving more purpose in my life right now. I turned 29 a few weeks ago, and as I enter into my Saturn Returns, the term "adulting" comes to mind for me. I have decided to pursue a career change into coaching and will be starting school in February. I have been craving more in my work life, and I want to shift out of teaching and into a more professional realm. This transition feels right for me but gosh am I ever anxious to get started.
I have been meditating a lot lately and asking for guidance on how to handle this time of rest and hibernation. What is clear to me is that I am being presented with A LOT of free time on my hands before life gets a lot busier with school and work in the new year. This restlessness is just another feeling for me to work through and sit with for the next little while.
This is winter solstice is a time for me to go inward, which does not come naturally. As an extroverted person who is inclined to look to all external sources for some sort of stimulation, being alone with myself tends to not be something I am very good at doing. But I am working on it. So I will try my best to capitalize on all of this unstructured free time that I have before life gets busier again.
Sending love to you and a gentle reminder to just be and take it all in during this holiday season.
As I sit here in my living room on a beautiful sunny day with nothing on my schedule for today and tomorrow, I have this dreaded anxiety that I am not being a productive human. It is December 27th (2 days after Christmas) my husband has gone back to work at his cafe and I have a completely open calendar. And instead of being grateful and content, I feel worried that I am somehow an extremely lazy person.
Some of the fears going through my mind are:
"Why am I not being more productive with my life right now?"
"Everyone else is busy and working hard, what right do I have to be sitting here with nothing to do?"
"What the heck do I do with my day?"
"Is there something wrong with me?"
Yikes. This is embarrassing to even write down. There is another part of me that is just craving more purpose in my life. And although I am taking the steps towards it, I am not addressing what is really the issue: my inability to just breathe and be present.
It is December 27th. It is the holidays and when I take a moment to acknowledge how fortunate I am to have 2 and a half months off in the winter to just be, I am struck with what a gift that is.
The other piece of the issue is that I am craving more purpose in my life right now. I turned 29 a few weeks ago, and as I enter into my Saturn Returns, the term "adulting" comes to mind for me. I have decided to pursue a career change into coaching and will be starting school in February. I have been craving more in my work life, and I want to shift out of teaching and into a more professional realm. This transition feels right for me but gosh am I ever anxious to get started.
I have been meditating a lot lately and asking for guidance on how to handle this time of rest and hibernation. What is clear to me is that I am being presented with A LOT of free time on my hands before life gets a lot busier with school and work in the new year. This restlessness is just another feeling for me to work through and sit with for the next little while.
This is winter solstice is a time for me to go inward, which does not come naturally. As an extroverted person who is inclined to look to all external sources for some sort of stimulation, being alone with myself tends to not be something I am very good at doing. But I am working on it. So I will try my best to capitalize on all of this unstructured free time that I have before life gets busier again.
Sending love to you and a gentle reminder to just be and take it all in during this holiday season.
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