The Ebb and Flow of Relationships
As we draw closer to the end of the year one of the themes of 2019 for me was around relationships and how they shift throughout the course of time. This year I spent a great deal of time and energy adjusting to those shifts. As a former Expat Canadian now adapting to life back in Canada, it is difficult to describe the feeling of coming home when you have lived abroad for several years. My life in Seoul was filled with friendships that were constantly transitioning because there is this undercurrent notion of everything being temporary when you are living as a nomad in a foreign land. Coming home, I had to adjust to a major transition in my marriage which was the one relationship that remained relatively stable during my expat life, and is now long-distance. So there was that- a large change. But also re-entering life in Canada was filled with unconscious expectations of the relationships I had here to be the same as well. And the reality is, everything is different because over time, both me and my friends and family have evolved in our own ways.
I have spent time rebuilding community for myself these past few months as well as working which has kept me busy. I have also felt disappointment towards people whom I wanted to put more effort into spending time with me, and I have also felt disappointment in myself for having difficulty expressing that for fear of harming those relationships. At the end of the day, what I continue to learn in recovery is acceptance. After all I simply cannot force people to want to spend time with me, and in fact maybe I need to do some work to explore why that might be and/or whether or not the relationships serve me in the same way that they used to.
I continue to learn that as humans we are almost always grieving something. It could be the end of a relationship, a change in environment, a career failure, our youth. The feeling of yearning, missing something that you once had can be insatiable at times. 2019 was a year of big changes for me, and it was monumental in my own growth. With those changes came a lot of grieving, a lot of challenges and fears around missing out on what once was.
I will try my best to be present during this holiday season. Present to the people who matter most to me and the moments we share. So that I am best able to embrace the relationships that are incredibly fulfilling in my life right now and appreciate the process that it took for them to get to that place.
Happy Holidays- wishing you a calm and restorative Christmas season spent with the people you love.
I have spent time rebuilding community for myself these past few months as well as working which has kept me busy. I have also felt disappointment towards people whom I wanted to put more effort into spending time with me, and I have also felt disappointment in myself for having difficulty expressing that for fear of harming those relationships. At the end of the day, what I continue to learn in recovery is acceptance. After all I simply cannot force people to want to spend time with me, and in fact maybe I need to do some work to explore why that might be and/or whether or not the relationships serve me in the same way that they used to.
I continue to learn that as humans we are almost always grieving something. It could be the end of a relationship, a change in environment, a career failure, our youth. The feeling of yearning, missing something that you once had can be insatiable at times. 2019 was a year of big changes for me, and it was monumental in my own growth. With those changes came a lot of grieving, a lot of challenges and fears around missing out on what once was.
I will try my best to be present during this holiday season. Present to the people who matter most to me and the moments we share. So that I am best able to embrace the relationships that are incredibly fulfilling in my life right now and appreciate the process that it took for them to get to that place.
Happy Holidays- wishing you a calm and restorative Christmas season spent with the people you love.
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