The Power of Rituals

This past month has brought about some great changes and transitions for me, and in those I have realized the power of rituals in my life. As I was getting ready for bed last night, in a moment of reflection I thought to myself, Wow. My life consists largely of rituals and structured everyday practises, which is weird because I'm thirty, and living very much in a transitional time filled with a whole lot of uncertainty. It also contrasts so dramatically with what my life looked like 5 years ago, before sobriety.

I have noticed how important the simple everyday practices are for me, which include: morning prayer, stretching and meditation, eating breakfast, lunch, snacks, dinner and dessert, morning and evening skincare, daily journaling, and reflections. And the weekly practices of examining and tracking my finances, laundry, house chores and recovery meetings. As I write this out, similar to my internal recognition last night, there is a part of me that goes, Yuck! I feel like I never would have foreseen myself living such a regimented, structured life, and there is another part of me that has realized the deep value in all of my rituals, as grounding practices in a time when the world around me is filled with uncertainty.

My first few days, living in sobriety were all about accepting powerlessness. Surrendering to the preconceived idea that I had control over my way of living, over alcohol and so many other aspects of my life. I had to surrender in order to fully give myself to my recovery process. This meant that the very foundation that I was standing on had to crumble. I had to let it go, I could not do this by myself. I had to learn how to trust in something greater than myself. As I continued on, I came to understand that I never truly had control, that the universe was carrying me all along and that I was the only thing contributing to my own undoing and suffering. In getting comfortable with this understanding, my perceptions around activities that I had previously considered mundane, shifted to practices that grounded me, that supported me in connecting to something bigger than myself. They provided me with a sense of calm, and stillness in a world that I was becoming more awake to, a world that I have very little control over. Which is actually a great relief. I do not have to carry this all by myself, it is being carried for me. What I do need to do is be open to the adventure of it all. 

The irony in all of this is that these rituals that I have, these small pockets of my day where I create security and safety in the same simple practices are what create space for me to surrender even more to all of which I have no control over. It is yet another juxtaposition in my life, that I am learning to embrace. I practice my daily rituals in order to let go and surrender to that which I have no control over.

In the year of 2020, with a global pandemic and the world, myself very much included, finally waking up to centuries of racial, sexual, gender and other forms of systemic oppression and the effects of human ignorance and destruction, a year where the president of the United States has continued to perfectly exemplify all of the darkness that is being brought into the light, I cannot help but recognize and acknowledge that everything has changed. We cannot go back to the way things were, and letting go of life as we know it is crucial. We are on the cusp of something truly beautiful, a type of healing that takes a lot of hard work, deep learning and unlearning, and surrender. I have realized this past year, where I have had many moments of total helplessness, where I have felt so little control, just how grateful I am for the tools I have received and cultivated in my recovery. Many of those tools consist of the daily and weekly rituals that I hold onto deeply. 

I also recognize the importance of shaking things up a little bit. As a lover of travel, spontaneity and adventure, I made the decision in September to book a vacation for myself. A trip to Banff. It felt incredible to break out of my everyday routines for a long weekend in the rocky mountains. I was still able to uphold many of my daily practices on this trip, but not every single one of them, and I was ok. It all felt unnerving and exciting at the same time. Most of all I was gifted with some of the most breathtaking scenery in a place I had yet to see in all my thirty years as a Canadian girl. I was reminded that travel and exploration are beautiful ways of connecting with my Higher Power, that same force that I have learned to surrender to and trust in. 

It is a process, and I take my will back multiple times throughout each day, but those moments when I can be still, when I can just be present and in awe of my surroundings, be them my bed or the vast mountainside are everything for me. Those moments offer me some peace and certainty that I am being taken care of right here, right now. And that is Everything to me.

Views off the Bow Valley Parkway

Lake Louise

Lake Minnewanka

Cave and Basin National Park to Sundance Canyon

Saddleback Pass