New Beginnings

I moved into my condo on June 29th, and have been settling in since then. It has been such a joy for me decorating and furnishing this new space that I can finally call my own. I also have been hit with the realities of home ownership and all of the responsibilities and expenses that brings forth. All in all, it has been a monumental transition for me, and I am continuously reminded of how fortunate I am to have grown into it. Yet another gift of sobriety, the ability to invest in myself and make smart and thoughtful decisions for my future as well as develop a strong support system for myself throughout the process.

With all of the changes that I have undergone over the past year, there have been some very difficult and challenging ones as well. In December of last year, I made the decision to end my marriage. I did not make the decision alone, it came after a series of conversations and attempts to reconcile a marriage that was no longer serving either of us. At the end of the day, I married someone from the other side of the world, and the love we shared for each other was simply not enough to keep us together. 

My ex husband is a very private person, and out of respect for him I will not share the details of our separation and divorce however I do want to acknowledge what our relationship taught me. I believe strongly that people come into your life for a reason, and some people make an incredible impact on you. I met Jin when I was 23 years old, as an adventurer, living abroad in South Korea. I was a free bird, travelling around making new connections and having new experiences at every turn. And then I met a man who offered security, kindness and a warm place to land in a foreign land. He was exactly what I did not even know I needed and throughout our 7 years together, I learned so much about myself and very much evolved into the woman I have become. I am proud of her, and I credit this partially to his support and love. I got sober in our relationship, I travelled solo to countless new countries, found a community for myself, ventured into a new career path and learned so much about myself and the type of life I want to live. I am so grateful for the lessons I learned in my marriage, and mostly for the love that Jin and I shared. 

Moving into this home has truly felt like a new beginning for me because I never would have imagined that I would be starting over, buying a home for myself and settling down in Ottawa. I have also found new love in my life and I am excited to be able to share that in future blog posts. I did not plan for a pandemic romance, but then again I did not plan for most of the events that have brought me to where I am today. I am continuously reminded that the Universe has a much greater understanding of what is best for me. When I surrender to that, I open myself up to so many gifts. 

Our family rented a cottage during the first week of July and it was the first week long family vacation that we've taken together in a very long time. It was blissful. I found myself taking it all in, moments by moments throughout our time there. Being with the people I love, enjoying nature, sunshine, good food and the quiet. I was able to take a break from social media and have more stillness. and then I came home to my new place. Lucky me!

cottage sunsets

In reflection, although divorce is never what I would have predicted for myself, I have no regrets. I do not regret my marriage, because I do believe we tried our best to make it work and for a long time I saw my future in Jin. I do not regret our decision to end the marriage, because in order for us to move forward in the easier, softer way, we needed to do that separately, at our own paces, in our own worlds. I will always be grateful for the time we shared together and the woman that I have become as result of it.

I feel like I have truly stepped into my power and independence over the past year and I would never be in this experience, if I had not gone through my past. In the world of social media and the endless life comparisons to everyone's highlight reels, I have had to confront numerous times the fact that my life has been untraditional and does not look like what I would have envisioned for myself. But I have been gifted with so many unique experiences as a result of that, and without the gift of heartbreak, I would not be able to find clarity in knowing what I truly value and want. I also would not have been available to experience a different kind of love, and to enter into a relationship as a different woman than I was at 23. This experience has allowed me to learn more about and care for myself in new, ways. 

If you are experiencing heartbreak, I hope this post brings you hope, reassurance and faith in the Universe's greater plans for you. As always, feel free to reach out to me if you would like to connect.