life right now

 We welcomed Olivia Yeji Kim into our family on May 24th, 2025. And since then have been in a newborn blur of sleep deprivation, toddler tantrums, lots of snuggles, visits with friends and family and daily adjustments to life with 2 little ones. I could not be more grateful for her smooth delivery and growth thus far. My physical recovery has also gone well, albeit slower than my c section recovery after Jacob's birth but I am feeling well now at almost 3 months post partum. 

Olivia's arrival into the family was a bit of a challenging adjustment for Jacob. While he loves his little sister and is keen to give her lots of kisses, he really had no idea how his life would change when she came. There have been some major sleep regressions and a fair amount of angry outbursts from him.

I have found that our biggest struggle has been trying to navigate holding space for his big feelings, while also juggling the demands of his baby sister.

What I did not anticipate about the postpartum experience with baby number 2 is how much I would be grieving my first child and the time I had with him as a baby. As I experience all the firsts with her and this time period of being so enmeshed with my baby, I remember those times I had with him and watch him as the little boy he has become with the realization that I'll never have that special 'baby' time with him again. Whenever I am nursing Olivia around Jacob he wants to be climbing all over me, and he can get quite angry at me during those times. I suspect that he is experiencing jealousy but doesn't necessarily understand it yet so I am struggling a bit to help him with that. I mostly am feeling sad that I cannot prioritize his needs as much as I did before because now I am balancing the needs of him and his sister, and sometimes her needs are a bit more urgent.

As the second child, I have gained a whole new appreciation for the challenges of being the first born child. At only 2 and half, Jacob has had to adjust to the fact that he is not the baby in his home anymore and that there are times when he needs to do things by himself because his parents are preoccupied with the needs of his baby sister. We talk about how Olivia cannot talk yet and she only knows how to cry when she needs something, whereas he can tell us what he needs. But the mom guilt kicks in when he is able to communicate something he needs from me and I am busy with his sister and simply cannot give him that in the moment he asks for it. I have watched him get frustrated at this, and I totally understand it.

I know that in time Jacob and Olivia will experience the benefits of having a sibling the same way that I did growing up. But right now it is certainly an adjustment and I did not anticipate feeling so guilty and sad for my son about it. He will be turning 3 in October and it is fascinating and heartwarming to watch his little personality bloom. The stark contrast of a newborn who is pure instinct and vulnerability to a little boy who is developing self awareness and demonstrating his sense of humour, sweetness and independence is really something to observe.

Olivia has been a wonderful baby, who is smiling and cooing at us daily. She sleeps relatively well and seems to be pretty laid back thus far. She enjoys being with people and has been a true joy in our lives.

Life with 2 little ones, although chaotic at times, has been lovely. Amidst the tiredness, I am fully aware that this time will fly by and I'll be reminiscing on it with longing for these days again. I will continue to practise gratitude and am open to tips for helping my toddler navigate his feelings as he adjusts to his new normal.