The Difference Between Certainty and Uncertainty
"The Grass is always greener on the other side" is a concept that I can relate to and have struggled with my entire life. It is such an easy way for me to escape my current reality by jumping into someone else's and wishing it were mine. This comes naturally to me, and is a habit that I hope to break in the upcoming year. I suspect it will be an ongoing process but I have decided to tackle it in this reflection.
Since I was young, one of my greatest pursuits has been happiness. In many ways, this created for a fun childhood. I was always looking for the next adventure, a new place to find joy. I could be relentless in my pursuit of it which meant that if we were friends, we were bound to get into some mischief! The shadow side of this meant that it was very difficult for me to be with pain and sadness and this manifested as a hyper anxiety where it was always very difficult for me to be fully present, because I was seeking something more. I have always felt like I was racing through many parts of life, in pursuit of my next source of joy. Patience has never come naturally to me and when I would get down, I would very often fantasize about escaping my life and jumping into someone else's. There was freedom in that ability to escape and freedom for me equaled happiness.
There is also freedom in uncertainty. That ability that we have as humans to immediately long for that which we perceive as missing in our lives, can be an insatiable drive. In my life right now, there exists a lot of certainty. At least this is what I feel that I have been experiencing with my relationship, job, friendships and spirituality. Naturally, for me as a person who has always struggled with anxiety, my perception of things can get a little skewed and when stressed or unhealthy I find myself looking for something to worry about. Lately, that something has been my freedom which has felt threatened by all of the certainty and security that I have been experiencing. Which in turn, threatens my pursuit of happiness and impinges on my ability to be present. Catch my drift?
Gaining an awareness on this tendency of mine to orient towards fear is crucial. But, it is not enough for me to break this pattern. What I aim to do in this reflection, is to shift my perspective onto the root cause of this fear by breaking down my concept of certainty. Certainty does not have to be boring and stifling, it can actually be perceived as expansive and freeing.
Here's how I can apply this concept to my current situation:
Because I currently have the certainty (for the time being!) of a decent job with benefits including excellent vacation and short working hours and a steady salary, I have the option to explore my other interests. These include blogging, travel, spirituality and now YouTube!
Because I currently have the security of a loving partner who supports me, I also have the freedom to put myself out there in the world with the knowledge that I always have a soft place to land at the end of the day.
Because I have certainty and security in my close relationships with family and friends, I have the confidence to explore new relationships with like minded people and furthermore, I have the courage to explore the relationship that I hold with myself.
Because I have the certainty of my spiritual connection with God, I have the freedom to explore my own self development, and continue on my path of sobriety.
In simply reframing my own personal distinction between certainty and uncertainty, I am able to gain gratitude for all of my current blessings. With that, comes presence because, why wouldn't I want to be present to all of that?! Being present to the current moment also means seeing and experiencing the polarity that exists within everything.
Sometimes the grass is just as green as you need it to be when you are truly present to your own side.
Since I was young, one of my greatest pursuits has been happiness. In many ways, this created for a fun childhood. I was always looking for the next adventure, a new place to find joy. I could be relentless in my pursuit of it which meant that if we were friends, we were bound to get into some mischief! The shadow side of this meant that it was very difficult for me to be with pain and sadness and this manifested as a hyper anxiety where it was always very difficult for me to be fully present, because I was seeking something more. I have always felt like I was racing through many parts of life, in pursuit of my next source of joy. Patience has never come naturally to me and when I would get down, I would very often fantasize about escaping my life and jumping into someone else's. There was freedom in that ability to escape and freedom for me equaled happiness.
 |
| Home is where the heart is. Home is within myself. |
There is also freedom in uncertainty. That ability that we have as humans to immediately long for that which we perceive as missing in our lives, can be an insatiable drive. In my life right now, there exists a lot of certainty. At least this is what I feel that I have been experiencing with my relationship, job, friendships and spirituality. Naturally, for me as a person who has always struggled with anxiety, my perception of things can get a little skewed and when stressed or unhealthy I find myself looking for something to worry about. Lately, that something has been my freedom which has felt threatened by all of the certainty and security that I have been experiencing. Which in turn, threatens my pursuit of happiness and impinges on my ability to be present. Catch my drift?
Gaining an awareness on this tendency of mine to orient towards fear is crucial. But, it is not enough for me to break this pattern. What I aim to do in this reflection, is to shift my perspective onto the root cause of this fear by breaking down my concept of certainty. Certainty does not have to be boring and stifling, it can actually be perceived as expansive and freeing.
Here's how I can apply this concept to my current situation:
Because I currently have the certainty (for the time being!) of a decent job with benefits including excellent vacation and short working hours and a steady salary, I have the option to explore my other interests. These include blogging, travel, spirituality and now YouTube!
Because I currently have the security of a loving partner who supports me, I also have the freedom to put myself out there in the world with the knowledge that I always have a soft place to land at the end of the day.
Because I have certainty and security in my close relationships with family and friends, I have the confidence to explore new relationships with like minded people and furthermore, I have the courage to explore the relationship that I hold with myself.
Because I have the certainty of my spiritual connection with God, I have the freedom to explore my own self development, and continue on my path of sobriety.
 |
| Some cards I pulled before my reflection. A little telling.... |
In simply reframing my own personal distinction between certainty and uncertainty, I am able to gain gratitude for all of my current blessings. With that, comes presence because, why wouldn't I want to be present to all of that?! Being present to the current moment also means seeing and experiencing the polarity that exists within everything.
Within darkness there is light.
Within certainty, there comes uncertainty.
And within presence there is happiness...and, sometimes sadness too.
Sometimes the grass is just as green as you need it to be when you are truly present to your own side.
Comments
Post a Comment