My Plans for 2019
The year 2019 has arrived and with it brings a whirl of emotions for me. There is always excitement paired with anxiety around a new year. Excitement for my plans and the possibility of what the future may bring. Anxiety about what I feel needs to change and how do I go about changing it.
I have big plans for this upcoming year. And anytime I plan on making big changes in my life, there comes with it a lot of self doubt. I know that is natural, but I am trying to remind myself that I will be taken care of. I have reflected on the expression, "Man plans and God laughs" before, because it is so instrumental for me during these moments. So many of the events that have occurred in my life were not orchestrated by me. I had a part in them, but there was definitely a Higher Power at work and that is something that I truly believe.
When I got sober and started working on my own recovery, I took time to pause and reflect on my journey and what lead to my decision to cut alcohol out of my life. I remember the moment where I sat with a dear friend and recounted all of the events that led up to my realization that I had a problem with alcohol. I had to give it up in order to be true to the woman that I was ready to be in the world. So many of those events, small and large, that happened to me were completely out of my control.
There were times where I put myself in extremely dangerous situations because I was in a blackout, where I woke up the next morning with no idea how I had gotten home. Waking up feeling terrified and ashamed, yet so incredibly grateful to be alive and OK shook me to my core. I cannot thank myself for those times, I know there was something bigger than me helping me along.
People that I met in my life who enjoyed life and had fun in sobriety were also pieces of my story that seemed predestined. My first day in Seoul, at the airport I met a girl, Kirsten who I was drawn to almost instantly. She became my best friend within minutes! She was someone who told me that she didn't really like drinking and it often times made her sick. I remember thinking, "What?!" and yet I was drawn to her and watched her go out with me many nights and barely have a sip of alcohol yet have an amazing time with me and our friends. She drank sometimes but she didn't seem to really enjoy drinking the way I thought everyone did. Another seed planted thanks to something bigger than myself.
When I met Jin (my now husband), I was yet again drawn to someone who disclosed with me on our second or third date that he didn't really like drinking. Alcohol and dating had always gone hand in hand for me. The only times I didn't drink with guys was when I was either hungover or laying low which meant relaxing for a few days before going out on the weekends. Suddenly, I was dating someone who didn't want to have a few drinks with dinner. He preferred doing things sober, and he took me on a variety of fun and exciting dates in Seoul that didn't involve alcohol. Fun without alcohol? Yet again, another seed planted.
These are just a few examples in my story of how I came to trust that there is a bigger power at work in my life. I use the word God sometimes to describe it but there is no religious connotation to it for me. It has everything to do with what I have learned to connect with and trust in my soul.
This year I plan to make a career transition into professional coaching. I will be starting a program at Integral Coaching in Ottawa at the end of February. It is very exciting for me and also quite terrifying because I have been a teacher for the past 5 years and I feel a little in over my head. At the same time, I have been feeling drawn to this field for a while now, and I feel ready for a shift in my life career-wise. Teaching English as a second language was something that came to me quite naturally in Seoul. I went from teaching Kindergarten to University within my 5 years here and the job has been rewarding but I am not sure there is much more room for me to grow in it. It has become very comfortable. What I have been most drawn to in my job are the opportunities that I have had to create real and impact-full relationships with my students. Those are what matter most to me. I have also been inspired by my mother and some of my friends who have pursued careers in coaching that overall seem to reap great rewards; financially, but mainly emotionally, psychologically and spiritually for them. The challenge of transitioning into this sphere is something that I am both excited and nervous to embark on.
I also plan to be take on more work opportunities and become more busy doing things I am interested in. This incorporates my plan to go back to school part time while continuing to teach in Seoul. I have enjoyed a very "cushy" life here in Seoul over the past year and half. And although I do not regret the extra time that I have had to travel, work on my recovery, and put into other creative pursuits (this blog being one of them), I am more than ready to start taking on more. I have entered my 29th year of life, which is referred to in astrology as my Saturn Returns year. The year when the planet Saturn has done a full loop through the solar system and has returned to its same position that it was in when I was born. It is considered a cosmic rite of passage where people advance into their next phase of adulthood. For me, this has shown up as a need for me to "grow up" a little bit both financially and making this shift career-wise. I am really looking forward to delving into my own development with this program and gathering tools and knowledge to eventually be able to help others in the future.
I also plan to save money this year. Is it sad that at 29 years old, I am still living pay-check to pay-check? I feel embarrassed typing that but it is true. Part of that reason is that I do not make as much money as I would like to be making and I do plan on taking on more corporate teaching jobs this year. The larger part of that issue is that I tend to spend A LOT and I am not the best at saving. So this is something that I want to work on and I am still figuring out how to tackle it. I welcome any tips if you have them.
The next big plan I have for this year is to move back to Canada. This is probably the biggest of them all. I have been feeling like my time is coming to an end here in Korea for the past six months or so. I do not mean a permanent end. I am married to a Korean after all, and so I will forever be going back and forth between the two countries where my heart resides. However I would like to come back to Canada and try my hand at settling down in my home country. There are many reasons for this and some of them I became clear on when we were filing my husband's immigration paperwork. For starters, I do not envision myself starting a family in Seoul. It is just not what I see for myself and one of the major reasons is the air quality and outdoor environment here. I grew up in the suburbs and I want my future children to enjoy fresh air and wide open spaces to run around in. I also want them to have access to the education system in Canada. Another reality for me here in Korea is that there is only so far that I can go career wise without being able to speak Korean fluently. Luckily my husband is fluent in English and very well qualified to work in Canada so he does not have the same limitations there that I do here. I take full responsibility for not having learned Korean while living here, it is through my own lack of interest and laziness. The reality is that I think I always knew deep down that I would not be here forever, and that I would be moving back to Canada at some point. So the journey will continue on with a big move to Canada this year.
The rest of my plans involve continuing to work on setting boundaries in my life, staying sober and helping others in their own recovery journeys, finding healthy and enjoyable ways to be active and exploring my creativity through writing and other pursuits.
I have picked two words of the year for myself because they resonate deeply with my plans. The first is TRUST. This has everything to do with me surrendering to the fact that almost everything apart from myself is out of my control. I can have these grand plans and they can change. I have to trust that there is a Higher Power that will carry me along and guide me through it all. Just like it did in my journey towards sobriety. Reminding myself to trust that the universe has my back and will show me the way is so important for me.
The second word is MANIFEST which is all about what I can do to be an active participant in my life this year. I have some pretty big plans and I know they will require for me to not only trust in the universe but also trust in myself to take the action that I need to take in order to make things happen. This has everything to do with taking myself on in my program, reaching out to potential clients to work with and just being present to the energy that I am putting out into the world everyday.
I look forward to continuing to share my life with you and bring you along with me into the year of 2019!
For more information on the Astrological Saturn Returns check out these websites:
https://astrostyle.com/saturn-return/
https://www.thoughtco.com/what-is-the-return-of-saturn-206368
I have big plans for this upcoming year. And anytime I plan on making big changes in my life, there comes with it a lot of self doubt. I know that is natural, but I am trying to remind myself that I will be taken care of. I have reflected on the expression, "Man plans and God laughs" before, because it is so instrumental for me during these moments. So many of the events that have occurred in my life were not orchestrated by me. I had a part in them, but there was definitely a Higher Power at work and that is something that I truly believe.
When I got sober and started working on my own recovery, I took time to pause and reflect on my journey and what lead to my decision to cut alcohol out of my life. I remember the moment where I sat with a dear friend and recounted all of the events that led up to my realization that I had a problem with alcohol. I had to give it up in order to be true to the woman that I was ready to be in the world. So many of those events, small and large, that happened to me were completely out of my control.
There were times where I put myself in extremely dangerous situations because I was in a blackout, where I woke up the next morning with no idea how I had gotten home. Waking up feeling terrified and ashamed, yet so incredibly grateful to be alive and OK shook me to my core. I cannot thank myself for those times, I know there was something bigger than me helping me along.
People that I met in my life who enjoyed life and had fun in sobriety were also pieces of my story that seemed predestined. My first day in Seoul, at the airport I met a girl, Kirsten who I was drawn to almost instantly. She became my best friend within minutes! She was someone who told me that she didn't really like drinking and it often times made her sick. I remember thinking, "What?!" and yet I was drawn to her and watched her go out with me many nights and barely have a sip of alcohol yet have an amazing time with me and our friends. She drank sometimes but she didn't seem to really enjoy drinking the way I thought everyone did. Another seed planted thanks to something bigger than myself.
 |
| Memories: Kirst and I enjoying the Lantern Festival sober together in Seoul! |
When I met Jin (my now husband), I was yet again drawn to someone who disclosed with me on our second or third date that he didn't really like drinking. Alcohol and dating had always gone hand in hand for me. The only times I didn't drink with guys was when I was either hungover or laying low which meant relaxing for a few days before going out on the weekends. Suddenly, I was dating someone who didn't want to have a few drinks with dinner. He preferred doing things sober, and he took me on a variety of fun and exciting dates in Seoul that didn't involve alcohol. Fun without alcohol? Yet again, another seed planted.
 |
| Jin and I enjoying our wedding anniversary with dinner, dessert and a visit to the Lotte Tower in Seoul. |
These are just a few examples in my story of how I came to trust that there is a bigger power at work in my life. I use the word God sometimes to describe it but there is no religious connotation to it for me. It has everything to do with what I have learned to connect with and trust in my soul.
This year I plan to make a career transition into professional coaching. I will be starting a program at Integral Coaching in Ottawa at the end of February. It is very exciting for me and also quite terrifying because I have been a teacher for the past 5 years and I feel a little in over my head. At the same time, I have been feeling drawn to this field for a while now, and I feel ready for a shift in my life career-wise. Teaching English as a second language was something that came to me quite naturally in Seoul. I went from teaching Kindergarten to University within my 5 years here and the job has been rewarding but I am not sure there is much more room for me to grow in it. It has become very comfortable. What I have been most drawn to in my job are the opportunities that I have had to create real and impact-full relationships with my students. Those are what matter most to me. I have also been inspired by my mother and some of my friends who have pursued careers in coaching that overall seem to reap great rewards; financially, but mainly emotionally, psychologically and spiritually for them. The challenge of transitioning into this sphere is something that I am both excited and nervous to embark on.
I also plan to be take on more work opportunities and become more busy doing things I am interested in. This incorporates my plan to go back to school part time while continuing to teach in Seoul. I have enjoyed a very "cushy" life here in Seoul over the past year and half. And although I do not regret the extra time that I have had to travel, work on my recovery, and put into other creative pursuits (this blog being one of them), I am more than ready to start taking on more. I have entered my 29th year of life, which is referred to in astrology as my Saturn Returns year. The year when the planet Saturn has done a full loop through the solar system and has returned to its same position that it was in when I was born. It is considered a cosmic rite of passage where people advance into their next phase of adulthood. For me, this has shown up as a need for me to "grow up" a little bit both financially and making this shift career-wise. I am really looking forward to delving into my own development with this program and gathering tools and knowledge to eventually be able to help others in the future.
I also plan to save money this year. Is it sad that at 29 years old, I am still living pay-check to pay-check? I feel embarrassed typing that but it is true. Part of that reason is that I do not make as much money as I would like to be making and I do plan on taking on more corporate teaching jobs this year. The larger part of that issue is that I tend to spend A LOT and I am not the best at saving. So this is something that I want to work on and I am still figuring out how to tackle it. I welcome any tips if you have them.
The next big plan I have for this year is to move back to Canada. This is probably the biggest of them all. I have been feeling like my time is coming to an end here in Korea for the past six months or so. I do not mean a permanent end. I am married to a Korean after all, and so I will forever be going back and forth between the two countries where my heart resides. However I would like to come back to Canada and try my hand at settling down in my home country. There are many reasons for this and some of them I became clear on when we were filing my husband's immigration paperwork. For starters, I do not envision myself starting a family in Seoul. It is just not what I see for myself and one of the major reasons is the air quality and outdoor environment here. I grew up in the suburbs and I want my future children to enjoy fresh air and wide open spaces to run around in. I also want them to have access to the education system in Canada. Another reality for me here in Korea is that there is only so far that I can go career wise without being able to speak Korean fluently. Luckily my husband is fluent in English and very well qualified to work in Canada so he does not have the same limitations there that I do here. I take full responsibility for not having learned Korean while living here, it is through my own lack of interest and laziness. The reality is that I think I always knew deep down that I would not be here forever, and that I would be moving back to Canada at some point. So the journey will continue on with a big move to Canada this year.
 |
| This quote speaks to me, although I became an immigrant by choice my heart will forever be split between two lands. |
The rest of my plans involve continuing to work on setting boundaries in my life, staying sober and helping others in their own recovery journeys, finding healthy and enjoyable ways to be active and exploring my creativity through writing and other pursuits.
I have picked two words of the year for myself because they resonate deeply with my plans. The first is TRUST. This has everything to do with me surrendering to the fact that almost everything apart from myself is out of my control. I can have these grand plans and they can change. I have to trust that there is a Higher Power that will carry me along and guide me through it all. Just like it did in my journey towards sobriety. Reminding myself to trust that the universe has my back and will show me the way is so important for me.
The second word is MANIFEST which is all about what I can do to be an active participant in my life this year. I have some pretty big plans and I know they will require for me to not only trust in the universe but also trust in myself to take the action that I need to take in order to make things happen. This has everything to do with taking myself on in my program, reaching out to potential clients to work with and just being present to the energy that I am putting out into the world everyday.
I look forward to continuing to share my life with you and bring you along with me into the year of 2019!
For more information on the Astrological Saturn Returns check out these websites:
https://astrostyle.com/saturn-return/
https://www.thoughtco.com/what-is-the-return-of-saturn-206368
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