Taking a Break from Instagram
These last few weeks it has been very challenging for me not to compare my life to the lives of everyone around me. I have found myself scrolling through Instagram for long chunks of time throughout my day and finding other ways to distract myself by jumping into someone else's life or story.
I have always been one to focus more on the future rather than the present. Which explains why I have suffered with anxiety on and off since I was a child. I am not the most patient individual and I tend to feel like I'm 10 steps ahead of others, so why doesn't everyone just catch up?! The phrase "One Day at a Time" could not have been more perfect for me when I entered into recovery because I was thinking "How am I going to give up drinking for the rest of my life?!" This tendency of mine to spend more time and energy focusing on the future has also been getting in the way of my ability to stay present and cherish my last few months in Korea.
I am preparing to take a large leap of faith in September and in many ways it feels like I am going to be starting at square one at 29 years old. I know that is not the full truth but it is easy to get ahead of myself and feel like I am moving backwards. I have lived in a foreign country teaching English for the past 6 years and I want to make my time and experience here valuable in my career transition but I fear that others will not find it to be as valuable as me. However; I know that it is time for me to go home. I realized last year that I had been coasting along in my life. I was in a career that I wasn't passionate about in a country where my potential for career development felt quite limited because I do not speak the language. I came to this realization after sorting through a lot of unjustified resentment towards my husband for essentially, not doing what I wanted him to do. After doing some deep reflection and working through my resentments, I realized that it was up to me to figure out what I wanted to do next and over the course of the year I took the steps necessary towards making that change. I am finishing up my last semester as an English Instructor in Korea and at this point, I am SO ready to begin a career in Canada in the corporate world. Although I do not know exactly what that will look like yet, I am eager to learn more about the world of consulting and coaching.
The thing is, I am good at planning out my next move, my next year but I am not so skilled at living in it as it's happening Right Now. And the fact that I am leaving a stable job and home life to go home and move into my parents basement with no guarantee of a solid job yet is terrifying. And although I am taking steps to prepare for my move, I am having a lot of trouble cherishing the moments that I have here with my husband, family, friends and the land that has half of my heart.
Scrolling through Instagram certainly does not help the situation, and only feeds into my disease of self-comparison. And let me tell you, I know a lot of wonderful people doing great things in their lives right now. Which is amazing, and I am incredibly happy for them but I can't help but compare their highlight reels to my everyday life and as a result of that, become envious and down on myself. So I have decided to take a break from Instagram this month for my own mental health. It has only been a few days and I have already caught myself feeling tempted to reload it. Like a true addict, I have started scrolling through my Facebook way more than I ever used to just for a mere distraction. But I have also delved into a new book, read a fair amount of interesting articles and spent quality time with friends and family. The shift will take time but it has not bothered me that I don't know exactly what my favourite influencer is doing during their day. It is actually nice to learn about what's going on with a friend's life through an actual conversation rather than seeing it in their Insta Stories. Then I get the full explanation of what happened and I find myself feeling genuinely happy for them or just truly caring about whatever it was that they went through.
I am also hoping that this month long Insta Detox will help me to be more present in my life. It is a bittersweet time for me right now in Korea, in the life I have made here with my husband, family and friends. I want to be more present. I hope to give an update in July for how it all went. But there I am, yet again, getting ahead of myself!
I have always been one to focus more on the future rather than the present. Which explains why I have suffered with anxiety on and off since I was a child. I am not the most patient individual and I tend to feel like I'm 10 steps ahead of others, so why doesn't everyone just catch up?! The phrase "One Day at a Time" could not have been more perfect for me when I entered into recovery because I was thinking "How am I going to give up drinking for the rest of my life?!" This tendency of mine to spend more time and energy focusing on the future has also been getting in the way of my ability to stay present and cherish my last few months in Korea.
I am preparing to take a large leap of faith in September and in many ways it feels like I am going to be starting at square one at 29 years old. I know that is not the full truth but it is easy to get ahead of myself and feel like I am moving backwards. I have lived in a foreign country teaching English for the past 6 years and I want to make my time and experience here valuable in my career transition but I fear that others will not find it to be as valuable as me. However; I know that it is time for me to go home. I realized last year that I had been coasting along in my life. I was in a career that I wasn't passionate about in a country where my potential for career development felt quite limited because I do not speak the language. I came to this realization after sorting through a lot of unjustified resentment towards my husband for essentially, not doing what I wanted him to do. After doing some deep reflection and working through my resentments, I realized that it was up to me to figure out what I wanted to do next and over the course of the year I took the steps necessary towards making that change. I am finishing up my last semester as an English Instructor in Korea and at this point, I am SO ready to begin a career in Canada in the corporate world. Although I do not know exactly what that will look like yet, I am eager to learn more about the world of consulting and coaching.
The thing is, I am good at planning out my next move, my next year but I am not so skilled at living in it as it's happening Right Now. And the fact that I am leaving a stable job and home life to go home and move into my parents basement with no guarantee of a solid job yet is terrifying. And although I am taking steps to prepare for my move, I am having a lot of trouble cherishing the moments that I have here with my husband, family, friends and the land that has half of my heart.
The thing is, I am good at planning out my next move, my next year, but I am not so skilled at living in it as it's happening Right Now.
Scrolling through Instagram certainly does not help the situation, and only feeds into my disease of self-comparison. And let me tell you, I know a lot of wonderful people doing great things in their lives right now. Which is amazing, and I am incredibly happy for them but I can't help but compare their highlight reels to my everyday life and as a result of that, become envious and down on myself. So I have decided to take a break from Instagram this month for my own mental health. It has only been a few days and I have already caught myself feeling tempted to reload it. Like a true addict, I have started scrolling through my Facebook way more than I ever used to just for a mere distraction. But I have also delved into a new book, read a fair amount of interesting articles and spent quality time with friends and family. The shift will take time but it has not bothered me that I don't know exactly what my favourite influencer is doing during their day. It is actually nice to learn about what's going on with a friend's life through an actual conversation rather than seeing it in their Insta Stories. Then I get the full explanation of what happened and I find myself feeling genuinely happy for them or just truly caring about whatever it was that they went through.
 |
| At Korea Pride last weekend; it was an awesome time with friends celebrating love! |
I am also hoping that this month long Insta Detox will help me to be more present in my life. It is a bittersweet time for me right now in Korea, in the life I have made here with my husband, family and friends. I want to be more present. I hope to give an update in July for how it all went. But there I am, yet again, getting ahead of myself!
I love the idea of finding replacement things to do with your time instead of scrolling (I often find myself on there too as just an observer... I don't even post!). We definitely all need to unplug more and really connect... so true. Loved this, Jess :)
ReplyDelete