Learning How to Be My Own Best Advocate

The past few months have brought about a lot of transition for me both personally in career, family and relationships and on a larger scale with political shifts, the Anti-Racism/BLM movement and the beginning of vaccine distribution across Canada and the United States. Life is ultimately a series of transitions that we are all navigating. One of the gifts that has come from navigating these changes is the importance of having difficult conversations. I have had to engage in a fair amount of these lately, and I do find that I am improving in my ability to advocate for myself and speak my truth on topics that matter to me even when it feels very uncomfortable.

I have never considered myself to be a confrontational person. I am also someone with relatively strong values and views, however I do place a high value on open mindedness and freedom of thought and speech. Typically in a heated conversation around political, social and emotional views, I tend to appreciate taking in another's point of view before solidifying my response. In certain situations in the past, this has resulted in shying away from truly speaking up for what is important to me. At times I have been inclined to diminish my stance on things because I have preferred to play the role of the adaptable and more accommodating person in the relationship or situation. This way of being has served me in many ways, allowing for connection over discomfort, and an ease in social interactions. 

It also has left me feeling unheard and overlooked. I have felt like there is an expectation that I will make the best of a situation regardless of how it impacts me at times. It has also allowed for me to ignore being in my own uncomfortable feelings of upset, anger and sadness. It has meant not speaking up for what I believe in at times and mistrusting my inner voice in situations. In my recovery I have learned more and more about how to tap into my intuition and I have spent a fair amount of energy being with my discomfort and navigating those emotions. One of them is anger. 

I was told by my astrologist in January that I would be experiencing my anger in the year 2021. I will admit that I was taken aback when she shared this with me, and I was not overly keen about the idea of it, but as a result of the experiences I have had thus far, I have been able to see the advantages of anger. I think a lot of the changes that are taking place in the world are a direct result of anger. Delving into my white privilege and the systemic racism that has been ingrained into me through growing up in this world has been a result of listening to anger and rage from those who have lived through generations of trauma and extreme disadvantage as a result of the colour of their skin. There is a positive side to anger and that is energy, drive, the ability to take action. Anger and rage energize us, they give us the courage to speak out for change. 

My thirties feel like they will be a decade of stepping into my power. As a woman in recovery, who has worked hard at owning her worth and is a proponent for equality in all spaces, at the end of the day, I am my greatest advocate. We all are and for those who cannot advocate for themselves, we as human beings need to be able to step up and do so on their behalf. I believe in that. Having a nephew in the world has only solidified that further for me. Witnessing my sister advocate on his behalf and on her own as an immunocompromised person living and caring for her family during a global pandemic, has further exemplified the importance of speaking out for what you believe in and having firm boundaries. I have always admired her for this, because she has helped demonstrate to me what it looks like and also the fact that it is an important form of self care and self respect. 

I also know my heart. When I speak up for myself, it is usually after careful thought and feeling through my pain and discomfort. Ultimately when I have made the decision to advocate on my behalf it is because I have taken the time to feel certain of what I believe to be fair.

It is not easy to speak up and step into uncomfortable situations, but what I am finding is that those who truly care about you will value your opinion and will take the time to listen to you even if they do not necessarily agree. A disagreement does not have to completely end a relationship, or even a conversation. I value the people in my life who are willing to hold space for me in conversations where I have a different viewpoint. It also allows for me to carry less resentment towards others because I am speaking up rather than going along with something that I do not necessarily agree with in order to maintain connection. Letting go of resentment is ongoing work for me in recovery. It helps tremendously with being able to create real, deep connection with myself, my Higher Power and others. 

So here's to the next decade of exploring and discovering more and more ways to own my self worth and show up for myself and others. If I can hold space for the discomfort of my pain and negative emotions, I am better equipping myself to hold that space for others as well. In such a divisive time, during a global pandemic, I think the world needs a lot of more of that.