Adulting

I bought a condo!!

As I write this, I am still marveling at my current reality. A year ago, even 6 months ago, I could have never imagined that I would be buying my own home. And I could not be more grateful to have found the perfect place.

The universe continues to demonstrate to me that it has a plan greater for me than I could have imagined for myself. It is interesting though, how I always think I have it all figured out. I am a planner in nature. As a type Seven on the Enneagram, planning is like an instinct for me, it is second-nature and I tend to do more and more of it when I am stressed or in a difficult place as it represents a way out of feeling those feelings. It becomes a form of self soothing and self regulation, but it can very quickly become obsessive and unhealthy for me. And the funniest thing about it is, maybe half of my plans (at best?) come to fruition! You would think that knowing this, I might be a little bit more inclined to sit back, relax and enjoy the ride, but for some reason, planning is like this muscle that kicks into overdrive when I am feeling uncertain and anxious and tends to get very much in the way of being present.

In recovery, I had to admit I was powerless to alcohol, and I had to surrender to the belief that there is a Power greater than me. This became undeniable when I reflected on my drinking and how many times when, under the influence, I was kept safe and out of harm's way. I could not deny the truth. I certainly was not keeping myself safe at those times, there had to be a Power greater than me taking care of me. I know this to be true. For me, that Power is God/Goddess/the Universe. I also believe in guardian angels that watch over me, and they include my loved ones who have passed on; my Grandma Kathy, my Memère, my Cousin Jared and my Grandpa Arnott. I felt my Grandma's presence very strongly in the purchase my new home, she was definitely helping me solidify the deal. :)

Three generations on the front porch: Grandma Kathy, Mom and me.

2021 has been a big year for me so far. I have gone through so many shifts in perspective, and experienced so much hope for a life that I did not know I truly wanted. I would consider myself a Late Bloomer. Most people my age are living in homes they may have purchased years ago, they have started families and are well situated in their careers. For me, everything still feels new. I have been working in consulting for almost two years now. I just purchased my first home and I have officially put down roots in my hometown.

After having lived abroad for 6 years, I never would have predicted coming home to stay. And then, when I made the decision to come back, it just felt right. Everything aligned. I had to surrender (yet again) to the Universe on this one. I always thought I would be a big city girl living in a small apartment surrounded by bright lights, and then I realized that I want to be close to my family because they keep my grounded and are such an integral part of who I am.

When I was a little girl I used to say to my mom that when I grew up, I would buy a house down the street from her. I know that was music to her ears at the time, and the funny thing is that my younger self already knew what would be best for me. She was is very wise. My condo is a fifteen minute drive from my parents place and thirty minutes from my sister brother-in-law and nephew. As a forever adventurer, I am baffled and yet could not be more content. 

In recovery, I learned how important it is to have a sanctuary, where I can fully unwind and feel safe to be my true self. A place where I can connect with my Higher Power and just enjoy the simple things. There is this other side of me that loves being out in the world, exploring and trying new things. Throughout the majority of my twenties, I embodied that adventurer. I lived in Asia, I travelled as much as I possibly could and put myself out there. Ever since coming home, I feel as though I have been spending more and more time with the girl who wants to feel safe and secure, who is searching for a home. I think that the pandemic highlighted for everyone how important home truly is. I certainly realized how fortunate I am to be able to work from home, and have a large space to roam around freely without feeling like my safety was being impinged upon. 

A glimpse into my new home- soon to be my happy place :)

I have also found that within my new career, I will likely have many more opportunities to travel. So I will not have to give up my wanderlust, even though it has been put on temporary hold during this pandemic. Once fully vaccinated and living on my own, I will be able to travel again. 

I never could have imagined that at 31, I would be able to buy my own home, that is totally and completely mine. I am continuously reminded that if things were to go along my plan, I would not be where I am today and where I am feels pretty great.

Feeling gratitude for the loving support system I have surrounding me, the country I call home and the gift of being sober another day.