The Importance of Community

The last four weeks in Canada have been a bit of a whirlwind. We arrived in Vancouver on January 20th and the two weeks following were busily spent reuniting with friends and family while also exploring the resources provided to us for new immigrants and trying our best to look into possible job opportunities when we move to Canada. After Jin went back to Korea, I continued to meet with friends and explore my own options here because I plan on moving in the Fall. I also started an assignment for my Coaching Course which begins at the end of this month. It involves a series of reflection questions for better understanding myself and what I value most.

Enjoying the beautiful Vancouver views!


The assignment brought about the topic of community which is something that I value deeply and have been consistently grateful for over the past year. It has continued to pop up for me throughout this trip because I am becoming clear on how important it is to me. I believe that as human beings we are a social species and it has always been important for us to band together for multiple reasons. The two most obvious of which being protection, i.e. 'safety in numbers', and our need for belonging and self identification. In trying to navigate life back in Canada and prepare for my move in the Fall, community has become an integral element for me in that process. 

I know for myself, that in order for me to feel confident in my move and where I settle, I need to ensure that I put forth time and energy into fostering a group of people to surround myself with for growth, support and inspiration.  Having lived in Seoul for the past 5 and half years, that task is a bit daunting. It feels a bit like I will be back at square one,  but I am lucky enough to have a strong support system here in Ottawa and friends in many different cities in North America. 

So what are the characteristics of a community that I feel most at home in?

I need to be surrounded by people who are open and vulnerable with me, those who are willing to share themselves and their stories, their passions and emotional and intellectual stances on life. I need to be with a community of people who appreciate and welcome diversity and inclusiveness and who are openminded towards opposite views and perspectives from their own. I also crave close relationships with women who are going through or have been through some of the experiences that I am having now. I want to be with a group of people who inspire me and who challenge me to be a better version of myself, because there is always work to be done in the department of self development and awareness for me. 

I moved to Korea with the knowledge that I had one friend from high school there who I could reach out to from time to time. I look back on that and realize that in many ways I was more brave then than I am now. It seems that my desire for adventure won over my need for security when I was 23 years old. Now that I am almost 30 it seems the reverse has taken place. I have recognized how important it is for me to establish a community for myself here before I pack up and move my entire life across the planet again. 

I am also aware of the fact that we build community over time wherever we are. And so these things take time. Patience has never been my strong suit and I tend to want to have everything figured out in advance, but I have come to learn over and over again, that the quality of relationships that you have in your life is equal to the quality of energy that you put into them. I know that I will be better able to nourish my friendships when I am physically in Ottawa and so I know that it will take time to settle and foster a community here.

Getting clear on what kind of people I want to continue surrounding myself with is very important for me. I know that I need friends who I can learn from and grow with. People that I can bounce ideas off of and share stories with. It is interesting how our circles change and evolve over time. I do not have the same kind of friendships that I had even 5 years ago. For one, I don't party anymore so none of my relationships centre around alcohol. I had a lot of those especially at the end of my drinking days. Friendships based upon a mutual love for drinking and going out and not much else. Life has changed. That does not mean that my friends have to be sober, because that is far from the truth. A lot of my friends are not in recovery, including my husband, but we have friendships based on connections and common interests that do not include alcohol. 

There have been times in my life when I have denied the importance of community because I didn't feel like I fit in anywhere, and I craved the security of keeping my world small as a means of protection. Those were times where I needed to go inwards and find refuge in my home and relationship with self. I am sure I will continue to have moments like that throughout my life but I know now that they are temporary. I have come to embrace the fact that I feel best when I feel connected to a community of like-minded individuals. I believe that I am able to thrive when I am surrounded by people who care about me, challenge and inspire me to be a better person. Whether my community is big or small, I will try my best to cherish the people I surround myself with. At the end of the day, and at the end of my life, what will matter most is the relationships I had with my people and how I made them feel.




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