Extending grace to myself

This summer has flown by, I find it hard to believe that it is almost the end of August. It has also been one of the hottest summers in Canada that I have ever experienced. We have experienced several heat waves and I am not complaining. 

I am feeling incredibly grateful for the freedom that I have been able to experience this past summer due to the fact that I was fully vaccinated as of July 1st. I also moved into my new home on June 28th, so I have spent the summer exploring my new neighbourhood, and having some long over due in-person (!!) catchups with friends and family. I will even be travelling to Saskatchewan next week to see family that I have not seen since pre-pandemic. 

As most families have experienced over the last two years, our family underwent some challenging events during the pandemic with one of them being the loss of my Grandpa Arnott. My Grandma Elayne also went through several major health struggles and I am really looking forward to getting to spend time with her and my Grandpa Gerald. The isolation of the last year that we all experienced, reminded me of just how precious the time we do have with our loved ones is. 

I read on social media a quote about giving ourselves grace as we re-enter the world after months of isolation. It resonated with me and the past 6 weeks, which have come with so much joy, but also great anxiety and exhaustion. I have always been an extroverted and social being, and at the same time, I discovered in recovery just how important alone time is for me. There was a part of me that deeply loved the "cocoon' like feeling of being home all the time throughout the pandemic. I was in my comfort zone, and able to engage with others from the distance of a screen where I had so many options for how I wanted to show up. I could turn my video on or off, get fully dressed or stay in my PJs, I could mute myself and multi-task in the background and I could show up exactly on-time without any preparation in advance. My world became much smaller, and I had more and more time with my closest loved ones, which I deeply cherished. I discovered just how much I enjoy working from home, and upon moving I was able to create a dedicated workspace that I absolutely love. 

The re-entry into the world came with high anticipation and excitement. Along with exploring my new home, the COVID cases were down, the weather was warm and sunny and things were beginning to open up again. I was keen to get out there, and my calendar started to fill up with both work lunches and meet ups with friends. I kind of threw myself full swing back into it, and it was not long before I started to feel a bit drained and overwhelmed. I ended up realizing that I needed to create some boundaries for myself around being back out in the world again, because I was reminded of how much I have benefited from time in the comfort of my own home. Energetically, I have profited from taking time for myself immensely, and having it almost forced upon me was a blessing in disguise because it is not so much in my nature to seek it out. 

my safe space

This is where the idea of extending grace to myself in my re-entry felt deeply true. Not only have I had to adjust to being in social spaces where people do not socially distance to the degree that I would feel most comfortable with, but I have also had to awkwardly broach the topic of vaccinations with friends, so that I can best prepare myself for our interactions. After having been in isolation for several months, I also have noticed myself adjusting again to the types of social interactions and events that felt natural to me in the past. I have made comments offhand during in-person lunches and then thought, "Oh God, did I actually just say that out loud?" Because I have been so accustomed to having side chats during meetings with my trusted confidants and having the option of going on "mute" during a less than exciting Teams call. The only in-person socializing that I was engaging in throughout the pandemic was with my closest family members, whom I can be my full, honest self with: no filter and all. 

All in all, I continue to learn that there is a careful balance to everything in life, and this becomes particularly clear during a transitional time. I am giving myself grace for the less than smooth social interactions that I have from time to time, and I am learning to prioritize my time at home, where I can relish in the protection and safety of my living space. I have learned that one evening event outside during the week is plenty, and that it is OK to spend my weekend at home even when I finally have the chance to be out there in the world.

I encourage those of you who are feeling overwhelmed, anxious and/or isolated during this strange re-entry time to extend grace to yourselves as well. After all, I don't know about you, but this is my first time living through a global pandemic...I think we all deserve some recognition and understanding for that! :)